The nap battle has been raging for two days now. Not that there is anything wrong with 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there. It’s just not effective rest for a little growing body. Yes, we did finally get at least a few connected hours of sleep last night but even those were interrupted when Bottom Middle Big woke up at 2 am so stuffed up she couldn’t breathe and got scared.
So you can understand why I would arm myself with the infallible pacifier, a dry diaper, a full belly, a favorite blankie and The Swing. Victory was assured. Resistance was futile!
Until it wasn’t.
Fifteen minutes into the whiny fussing (which really was probably more like five but felt like fifty), I caved and scooped a red-eyed little pickle out of The Swing. Within two sniffs and a whimper she laid her head on my chest, her ear pressed against my heart, and closed her little eyes. I dropped into the big overstuffed chair and with nothing in my hands but her bum and her back, listened to her breathing sink into that rhythm of deep sleep every mother loves.
It was a message.
Momma, I don’t need a swing or a blankie. I don’t want the paci or music or toys. Tummy time and reading are all good but what I want – what I really want – is to come close, listen to your heart, and rest.
I cried. So many times I have been faced by lessons from my children that bring me to my knees in humility and “how could I be so stupid?”
It’s been a crazy summer. I have been raising a newborn, keeping the three bigs from driving each other batty, resorting to sending two bigs to their grandparents for the sake of everyone’s sanity, getting ready for school, doing a small remodel project in the house, getting people in the right homework habits, feeding bottomless snack pits and folding laundry. And I kept saying all along, “When fall gets here I will sit down with my Bible and my journal and You and I will be able to have LONG talks God. We’ll map out the plan for raising the kids right and keeping the marriage strong and how I can serve you with my time and talents. Fall is right around the corner!”
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
I can read and fold laundry at the same time!
I can wash dishes and pray.
I can feed the baby and journal with my free hand!
Be still. Listen to My heart. Stop. Rest.
Know that I have the Big in My hands and I will not let her be swayed by pressure and envy.
Know that I have Top Middle in My hands and I will turn his energy into service.
Know that I have Bottom Middle in My hands and I will help her provide joy to everyone she meets.
Know that I have Bean in my hands and I will give her rest and help her grow.
Listen to my heart.
And know that I am God.