I love my bed. I have the perfect number of pillows; the exact thread count sheets; the perfectly weighted comforter. When I can crawl in and cocoon myself just right I can be asleep in milliseconds. When I can crawl in and cocoon myself just right…and my brain will stop…and the baby doesn’t fuss…and one of the Bigs doesn’t have a nightmare just about the time I am trying to stop for the night. Bet you’d never guess I’ve had a hard time getting to sleep lately, huh?
I have been plagued with brain run lately. I don’t know if that’s the technical term for it but you know what I’m talking about. You lay down and all the what if’s from today and the schedule for tomorrow and the worries for down the road start to parade through your brain like a Möbius strip flipping and twirling and morphing until you can’t even remember where it all started and you feel like you couldn’t stop it if Wile E dropped an Acme anvil on your head.
In my case it’s been a little different. I’ve had a night or two that have been worries and nagging but most nights have been excitement for study and new ideas for my class starting in a few weeks. And while my body is really, REALLY tired, I love those moments so much I sometimes try to keep myself awake to hang on to them. Of course in the morning I don’t love those moments so very much. I’m bleary eyed making coffee with one eye half-shut because I forgot to take a contact out and now I can’t get my eye open all the way. I will confess that I have even started to put Little Bit’s diaper on backwards.
Then there’s the next level discomfort. It’s taken me a long time to surrender to God’s call for me and now that I have and I’m pumped up and ready to leap, hurdles are starting to pop. Attacks on friendships, security issues, health issues, family strifes, and confidence erosion are mounting. Before surrender I would have backed down. Ok, this isn’t the time for this so I’ll just skulk off to the corner and wait. That’s worked so well for me in the last four years. (Slather that last one with sarcasm.)
Take yesterday for example. I posted about this fantastic peaceful place I have found to rest and relax in God and I promise the “Publish” button had barely cooled before multiple stresses and worries and fears flew straight into my face.
Now I call it by name. This is an attack intended to throw me off, scare me out of the ring, and undermine the work that is about to start in me and those around me. Those feelings are not what God wants. Now I’m pumped! See there’s a comfort in being attacked. It means I’m in the right place doing the right thing with the right motivation and intention.
I connect very well with the Apostle Peter so it doesn’t surprise me that I find an example in his life of this opposition. In Acts 5:12-32 (yes, you have to do a little reading on your own today), Peter is going about his ministry and is changing lives even with his shadow (v. 15).
v. 17 & 18
But the high priest rose up, along with all his associates (that is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with jealousy. They laid hands on the apostles and put them in a public jail.
Later in verse 28
We gave you strict orders not to continue teaching in this name, and yet, you have filed Jerusalem with your teaching and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us.
Sometimes our opposition takes on a human form. You will have naysayers who tell you your actions aren’t needed, aren’t a good idea, or maybe just won’t work out. Or you have the completely opposite – the people who see you taking on a project and decide if you can do that, certainly you can handle four more similar tasks. At the same time.
Other times the opposition is more discreet. Suddenly you find yourself or a loved one physically afflicted. Your career becomes unstable; finances get tighter than usual. Your children suddenly seem to lose their mind and take yours with it. These are all things that are picking from the outside but they are eroding your mission.
Remember Job. (The condensed version is found in chapters 1 & 2 with the finale in 42.)
Here’s the great part about all that resistance. If you are following God and there is resistance, it is a good indicator that you are doing the right thing. So take comfort in being uncomfortable!