Man. Have you ever had a moment or phase of life when you felt like you were just. not. enough?! Ta Daa!! I’m here!
Maybe it’s the fact that I have four fully powered, very emotional, and easily distracted (unless they don’t want to be) children. Perhaps it’s the heavier load of homework coming home. Maybe it’s the fact that the Captain’s job has required longer than normal hours this fall. Maybe it’s because everyone – myself included – has decided to take on new adventures and responsibilities. Whatever the contributing factors, I am finding myself overwhelmed and really feeling inadequate, insufficient, and ineffective.
But I have learned that this is a good thing. When I recognize my deficiencies, I lean into God for the strength to complete. When I have nerves about teaching, I lean into God for peace. When I am at the end of my rope with homework, I lean into God for a bonus dose of patience.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me – to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
While I would be reluctant to call them a “thorn in the flesh,” I have often said that my children were given to me to keep me humble. They have no problem telling me when I’m being inconsistent, unfair, impatient, or out of line – at least by their estimation. (And they don’t believe bathroom doors should be closed, but that’s another matter.) It is critical to lean into God in parenting. Not only do I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, but there are hearts and spiritual futures at stake. But Christ says, “My grace is sufficient to make you the right parent for these children.”
I am painfully nervous about teaching and for all my studying and preparation, find myself lacking in confidence as I approach the first day of class. And again, Christ says, “My grace is sufficient to fill in the holes in your lessons and plant the seeds in the hearts where they belong.”
My calendar is polka-dotted with activities and errands that will keep me on wheels with Little Bit in tow six of the seven days of the week. This is new to me and I can already feel my energy level wavering. Again Christ days, “My grace is sufficient and my rest in complete to keep you moving in the day and restored at night.”
I am grateful to be insufficient. When I am insufficient, I can witness the power of Christ in me. My heart overflows to know that I have a power source that will complete me just because I fall into it.